Growing Pains

I want to speak on my experience living in Europe thus far, but I genuinely find it inappropriate. I have been writing everyday but haven’t been able to share any of it. Then, today I came to the conclusion, “why do I have to?”

Part of me wants to share every success and every defeat along my journey, but the other half of me believes it’d be best to make moves quietly. I will say this... These past few months have been stressful as f*ck. Sprinkled throughout this “Lynda leaps herself out of America and into Europe” experience, I have had many ups and downs. I am learning to embrace each as great writing material, all while learning about my excuses I’ve created along the years. Here’s the thing, I am growing. A lot. And it doesn’t necessarily feel good.
 
I have noticed that I have been trying to prevent this growth for many years. And with each resistant push comes more pain. And for some reason I have continued this vicious cycle since I can remember. But I’ve also learned, for many of us, this is natural. Yes, I have many dreams and goals, but I know damn well I can’t just expect those to *poof* magically be achieved overnight. And you most definitely cannot expect anything, but disappointment, from not putting in any work at all. 
 
How many of you come up with beautiful goals for yourself but watch another day, another month, another year, pass by with what seems like no progression? Either because you didn’t actually put in any work to make it happen, or because it seems your efforts didn’t get you very far. Here’s the thing, you can’t blame anyone but yourself for not doing what it takes to fulfill your goals. If you are one of those people who have self-sabotaged at some point in your life, trust you are not alone. It’s normal to fall back when shit gets difficult. To be discouraged when things don’t necessarily go as planned. But continuing this pattern won’t get you very far in life. And giving up just because you feel your work hasn’t gotten you to the top YET, is a huge mistake.
 
You see, I have been putting myself down heavily lately because I felt like I hadn’t accomplished much with where I’m at so far. Part of this is true. I have allowed myself to stand in my own way with many things. But then I also remembered, I’ve been building towards this move for a few years now. Yes, plans have changed shape along the way. Regardless, here I am. And I don’t think I have given myself enough credit for that until now. I am proud of how far I’ve come. Because I know most wouldn’t have the balls to do something (this stupid... just kidding) this difficult. For me, it has been EXTRA difficult because I battle with anxiety and depression. Sometimes, the simplest tasks can be the most difficult.. 

Getting out of bed.
Eating breakfast.
Having a simple conversation.
Going outdoors. 

However, through the moments of despair I have found it even more of a feat to overcome and accomplish. In the end, it’s so much more rewarding once I do make it over each obstacle. This is something I remind myself each time I’ve found myself glued to my bed, feeling incapable of living. I know some people who can’t relate to such feelings, but I also know MANY people who can.
 
For those of you reading who resonate, applaud yourself. Be kind to yourself for all your efforts. Don’t be ashamed when you fail, because it’s impossible to grow, or succeed, without failure. Failure is a part of the process. You will find yourself down before you can pick yourself up. If you think about it, the REAL failure is giving up. The rest is just growth. You can always decide to change your mind along the way. Deciding something isn't for you along the way is OK too! We are humans after all. In life, there is always room for improvement and change. You just have to believe in yourself and your worth. For some of us, some days just seem impossible. But if you can remember that you are not alone. That you do have a purpose. That you are important. Then you WILL succeed.
 

My mom always said, “if there's a will, there's a way”
Well, I'm taking that will and making a f*cking way!
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*side note*
I have had many people reach out to me about their anxiety and depression. I am no therapist but it always helps to have one, or at least someone to listen. Even if you don't suffer from mental illness, having someone to talk to helps greatly. And it is nothing to be ashamed of. I always leave myself open for people who feel like they need someone to talk to, someone to confide in, whatever the reason. If someone approaches you needing to talk because they are hurting, don't put them down because of it. Be kind. And if you don't feel you are the right person to give any advice, be honest. Find compassion in your heart to help others in whatever way you can. Don't be so quick to judge or ridicule. You don't know what that person might be going through in their life.
​Love is so much more powerful than hate, remember that.

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